tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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