fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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