She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
