I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
