let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
