oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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