She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
