Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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