New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
