I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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