Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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