finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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