There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
