What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
