She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
