oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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