all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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