Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
