Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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