Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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