I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
