if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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