I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
