I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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