Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
