you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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