If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
