His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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