it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
