If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
