I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
