so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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