I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
