Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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