oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
