fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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