I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
