remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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