The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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