It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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