We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
