So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
