Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
