i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
