I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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