Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
