I smell stomach acid.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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