she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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