Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
