He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
